Grays Aliens and Geriatric Vampires

Today is one of those days. You know the kind I mean, where everything seems sorta goofy and not worth the effort to take things too seriously.

The world feels like one great, big surreal stage play and you're sitting in the audience. Minding your own business. Chowing down the gargantuan tub of $9 popcorn and a small diet coke. The plot's not grabbing you, so you turn your attention to those sitting around you.

There's some strange sights out there, and how much of it are we supposed to take seriously, to actually do something about? Is any of it real, does any of it really matter ?

Beats the heck outta me ...

But since I'm in this weird little mood today, here's a weird little post. Just because I LOVE you, even if you're weird, too.

Goofy weird things to think about:

Geriatric vampires (Why must all the vamps be young/hot). I mean, what if Lestat turned an old geezer just for kicks. Would you? Why or why not? Would the geezer turn his other geezer friends into vamps? Would they all end up in some kind of gated community where any vampire under the age of 50 wasn't allowed? Would they all drive gigantic Cadillacs and take up two parking spaces, or go down the highway with their left turn blinker on? Most importantly, could a vampire who wore polyester be taken seriously?

Vampires with Alzheimer's (Would they forget where they left their coffins and burn up in the sun?). What if they forgot who they had bitten, and kept on bleeding the same poor guy over and over and over.

Geriatric Zombies (Would we even know the difference?). My mind is giving me a picture here of all these liver spotted zombies twirling around the countryside in their wheelchairs, running into each other. Or doing one of those choreographed wheel chair commercials like you see on TV. And, if one tried to bite you would his dentures fall out? Would they just gum you to death???

Crop Circle puzzles (Like the NY Times variety). Or find a word. And how come we never see crop circles picturing kittens, butterflies or flowers? (although I still insist that Crop Circles [the real ones] are probably created by microwave laser beam cannons (look it up sometime)). How come they never draw naughty pictures? I know I would lol. Better yet: I'd sell the circle space to alien advertising companies (drink ZORP cola, more BURP for your ZURP).

Werewolves with a bad case of worms (Honestly now. You can't eat all that raw meat without ingesting some serious parasites! omg). Try to imagine a werewolf/boyfriend scooting his butt across your parent's living room carpet.

Gray Aliens with Agoraphobia (They'd never leave the ship).
Aliens with OCD (Wouldn't surprise me any).
Reptilians with an inferiority complex (They'd keep apologizing for the New World Order, while wringing their claws).
Nordics with bad skin (Somehow, it would be very difficult to take lessons in soul evolution or light beings from a tall, pale guy with zits. I mean, how could you not crack up? They would be going blah blah Star People yada yada soul blah reincarnation blah blah we are your creators blah and I would completely LOSE it. :P ).

OR how about somebody abducting the stupid aliens for a change? (The next time anybody thinks they are in the presence of one of those praying mantis/insectoid types, I DARE you to picture a huge can of Raid in your mind!) C'mon, do it - then let me know what happens :O

I have to wonder also, if anybody, anywhere, at anytime ... was ever visited by an Angel or God Presence or Demon, etc and had the actual nerve to speak in Pig Latin.

It's a strange, funny universe and I'm not even going to bother with spell check today ... :P

Have a Good Day and an Awesome Abduction!

Paranormal Potluck and the Famous Zombie Word Alert

Or: How to Annoy Just About Everybody on the Other Side

I don't know why my mind works the way it does. Honestly. If I hadn't been so blasted sick these last few weeks, with one silly thing after another, we'd already be pineal deep in ghosts and aliens, and especially the shaping, making and dissection of a theoretical entity I've dubbed, at least for the moment, Sapient5 (beyond the Gray Aliens, you know) (Way beyond...)

Instead, I am sitting here scabbed over from 3 weeks of poison ivy. Despite my ego's insistence that I am an evolved and higher-minded 'old soul' - - - all that is apparently a LIE because, as I am sitting here typing these words, I am first and foremost an itchy and ill-tempered monkey and I want to feel better ASAP so I can get back to the things I.WANT.TO.DO.


Oh, ... I almost forgot ... I just turned 52 (both my bust and uterus are in a race to see which one can fall the fastest) so I'm also feeling the age thing this week. AND my favorite mouse has mysteriously shot craps; the one I've replaced it with is suspiciously contrary, roams, jumps text, and (it seems plausible) - is possessed by Satan.

So maybe it's the fever, or the fact that I seem to have a surfeit of ghosts/dead friends/relatives popping in and out of my dreams lately like paranormal popcorn ... but as my mind's a funny little thing and not always prone to high-minded matters ...

I thought it might be amusing to take a lighter look at Gray Aliens, ghoulies and goblins.
Why must we be so depressingly serious all the time anyway?

God, we love our drama! Someone is always trying to trick us, deceive us, use and abuse us. Enslave us. TPTB. A One World Order. We are always at the heart of some nefarious plot or other. The entire universe, astral plane, heaven and hell, et al ad nausea revolves (how apt) around mankind.

Sure it does.

We are high frequencied, 12-stranded DNA with some shut off, powered-down, forgetful and forgotten godlings who must - surprise surprise - resist the negative influences of our Earthly abode to enter into the 4th and 5th dimensional realms that call beyond the veil superimposed on humanity's awareness.

Whatever.

Mind you, I'm not stating that the above isn't true. It's just so 'old school'. So here's some new school stuff to kick around:

Think your home is haunted? By a real, sentient, self-aware entity/dead person? Not a self-generated poltergeist or energetic replay, but an honest to goodness ghost? Make up a few signs that read YOU ARE DEAD/THE YEAR IS NOW 2009/YOU MISSED THE LIGHT/etc etc and leave these around your home (you might want to put these away when company is expected).

Furthermore - due to the mirror effect of consciousness - letter these signs in the mirror/backwards fashion so they may be easily understood by the deceased. AND - if you don't feel like a complete fruit cake** doing this - rather than ordering your ghostly guest to begone - you might try communicating in this manner, at least for a couple of experimental shots just to see what happens. For example, invite your ghost to a game of chess, to watch a movie with you, enjoy a book reading and so forth. But do keep in mind that they are now the opposite of YOU - you are particle, they are wave. You are left brained, they are right. And so forth. Just play around and see what happens.

Or don't. It's your call, not mine.

More fun and frolic - want to test The Powers That Be? Want to see just how far you are or are NOT empowered? Okay then. Become neutral. Stop spewing your angst and energy all over heck and back like a firehose run amok. Do not emotionally react (to the news, to the alerts, to the economy, to the foreclosures, etc etc). Own your own energy. Don't picket, don't protest. Also, quit buying crap you don't need. Downsize from the 1,800 ft. home with three TVs that you don't need in the first place, and can no longer afford. Instead of whining and wailing, take a long walk. Do a little thinking. Come home and put your crap on eBay, host a neighborhood yard sale, buy a sack of flour and packet of yeast and learn how to bake your own bread. Quit surfing the Internet for things you don't need and can't afford. Walk to work. Use your head and save your heart. Clean up your own backyard before attempting to clean up the world. Mind your place. I know I get preachy, but really, it's all common sense. We just get so worked up over things seemingly beyond our control, we forget the basics.

Speaking of basics. You do understand how energetic focus actually works, I presume? It doesn't matter if the belief clothing is voodoo, hoodoo, Christianity, satanism, etc. All that is window dressing. Applied conscientious focus/directed energy is the key - in an Alpha brain wave state usually induced by monotone, ritual, candles, chant, and so forth. All else is minutia, when one gets right down to basics. Just like 'gravity' doesn't particularly 'care' if it's used for good or ill, the same applies to other energetic forces across the board. Energy is amoral.

And as such, it's fun to play with. And there is nothing disrespectful, sacrilegious or otherwise about it. The good/bad lays in how a person directs energy, that's all. An apple isn't bad, but if I chuck one at somebody's head and maybe do them an injury - that is bad. Capeesh? So I wonder what it would be like to take a slinky, or a tin can, or maybe a wad of chewing gum with a plastic flower jammed in the center, and direct my attention there?

Start looking for aliens and angels, look hard, and you'll begin to see them everywhere.

This is what reality does when it is impressed by consciousness. The harder/deeper/frequent the impression - the faster the result. For every action there is an equal/opposite RE-action. Remember this always.

Don't take your tulpas so seriously. Invite a ghost to dinner. Buy a toy babydoll and leave it for the aliens to 'abduct'. Put a glass of V8 on the nightstand for thirsty vampires. Plan a nice, quiet romantic evening with an Angel (remember, they do have a thing for the daughters of man - or so it was said). Play chess with a ouija board. ( I don't know why, but this just popped into my mind - has anyone ever thrown things BACK at a poltergeist??? )

Life, when we remember to be at peace with death, becomes just too, too funny.
Gentle play never hurt anyone ~

**Zombie Word Alert: No matter how well intentioned, it is never a good idea to give a zombie a fruit cake! Even if it's Christmas Eve, you're out of cash, the stores are closed, and Aunt Emma's lastest batch of holiday fruit cakes are buckling the kitchen counter. NEVER give a zombie a fruit cake. It is better to look like the cheapskate, low-life, self-centered puny human that you are, than to give one of the living dead something that could well turn out to be a deadly weapon used to smash your tasty brains out! God help us all if zombies should ever learn to cook...

The Gray Alien Reptilian Yogi - Dear G.A.R.Y.

Please join me in welcoming the:
GRAY ALIEN REPTILIAN YOGI
advice and home repair expert - Dear G.A.R.Y. !

(The following is a formal letter of introduction, composed entirely for the purpose of blatant, shameless self promotion with the sole intention of achieving mega-fame, stardom, buckets of cash and a cult following comparable to that of the Bee Gees or maybe even Elvin from on down the road when he opened his shaved ice stand on the hottest 4Th of July these parts have ever known since the Jurassic Period, and forgot to order them little plastic cups you gotta put the shaved ice in so all his customers had to get their Hawaiian Delights poured into them empty beer cans Elvin was saving for double-point recycling day, and he didn't get all the beer rinsed out so a couple of kids from Tiny Trailer Park got sick and barfed up on the Mayor's new Cadillac and stained up the white walls something fierce, so Elvin got sued and it was the most exciting thing to happen in Pit Falls, Illinois that anybody alive could remember, especially when the bank repo'd Elvin's ice stand and he was so mad he run off with the bank president's third wife, Candi Aphrodite, who wasn't exactly the stay at home type, anyway, and since no one got hurt Elvin is now a local hero like Batman or SpongeBob.)

And now, Dear Readers, it is my boundless pleasure to bring to your attention a fresh and exciting new voice on the Internet - the Gray Alien Reptilian Yogi, commonly known as G.A.R.Y. (insert applause). This famous sage of cosmic secrets (and home repair involving large amounts of duct tape/black paint) has graciously consented to begin posting at his very own website (currently under development and slated to begin production in a mere nano-second of universal time) (like maybe in the next day or two).

While MY column is an educated and dedicated foray into the Gray Aliens and associated phenomena, it is nonetheless beyond my meagre abilities to:

A) remain studious, serious and write as a mature adult at all times

B) Keep my monkey brain under control 24/7/365

C) Refrain from manipulating the gullibility of others

D) Picking my nose when no one is looking

So, while THIS blog site is obviously your first choice for cutting edge, paradigm-busting outside the box revelations, it must be stated (with a straight face if possible), that if you are the kind of individual who can laugh in the face of hideous and painful alien medical experiments, scoff at the idea of reptilian rectal probes, and find the idea of inter-species dating just a wee bit enticing, then RUN ... don't walk to the ground breaking new blog site of THE GRAY ALIEN REPTILIAN YOGI (Dear G.A.R.Y.) !!!

Be sure to tell all your friends or at least the people who pretend to like you, and maybe even the guy who changes your oil once a year when you finally get around to having it changed because you're sooooooo busy with more important things (you wish).

P.S. While empirical scientific evidence has yet to be established, nonetheless it has been rumored that being a regular follower of G.A.R.Y. can lead to whiter teeth, enhanced physical performance, and multiple lottery wins.