How to Capture a Gray Alien and What to Do With Him When You Get Him!

GRAY ALIENS AND OTHER LOVERS

(a respite from the serious stuff)!

I've just had a rather interesting conversation this evening with someone who considers himself possibly an alien abductee. We covered a lot of heavy ground, the subject matter was intense and new ideas popped up like mushrooms in the spring, ... AND I'll be posting some of these new ideas asap. But for now I'm a little tired, a little goofy and need to roll around in playful pastures and otherwise get a decent 'grounding' with reality before I call it a day (or night or whatever the heck time it says in Greenwich Village).

So if you'd like to take a break from interdimensional DNA seeking parasites, reptilian humanoids and Grays with an attitude, read on. If not, feel free to browse any of my previous postings for the serious stuff.

Let the games begin :)

Have you ever considered a relationship with a gray alien? I mean a real relationship, not one of those fly-by night abductions - but something meaningful, something you can face in the light of day? While there's no doubt that a chance encounter on a lonely road can be fraught with excitement, is this the kind of alien you'd like to take home to your mother?

Wouldn't it be better to seek a LTRR (long - term - reptilian -relationship) rather than just one more stab in the dark (I crack me up). So if you've had your astral fill of the single abduction scene, maybe it's time to consider:

Finding your soul mate! Remember, there will come the day when your genetic material will be dried up and worthless, and who/what will want you then? Who among us would care to find themselves safely alone in the night without visible scoop marks once they've passed the age of 50? I know I'd sure hate that!

So how do you determine exactly which non-terrestrial being would be your best choice? Sure, right now you may be attracted to the Zeta Reticulians, but sooner or later a fast talking Pleiadian is going to float into your life and attempt to sweep you off your sleep-paralyzed feet. And the Light Beings ... well, I think we all know how they operate. One minute they're here, the next they're gone with never a phone call or follow up email. (Personally, I think the Light Beings are some kind of intergalactic play-ahs but that's just my bitterness speaking)

And the energy-sucking parasite types - don't even get me started with these folks! You pick one of these for a LTR and, trust me, you'll be sorry. According to reports, love is but an emotional train wreck with these maladept mosquitoes, and YOU get to be the twisted and mangled-beyond-human-endurance-to-bear caboose! Truthfully, I only recommend the parasitic praying-mantis beings for those that are 'enablers' with an unfortunate tendency to seek out abusive relationships with those not of this Earth. I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, someone else you might consider are the Reptilians - I mean, are these guys buff or what?! Listen gals, if you're into muscles, scales and various indeterminate appendages, a Reptilian Humanoid may be just the man(?) for you. If you don't mind bearing huge litters of slimy, greasy little egg-thingies twice a year, that is. And an added bonus for egg-layers versus live birthing is that with the reptiles you can just bury your unborn on a beach somewhere and then bounce your merry way! By the time the little monsters get around to hatching, momma's long gone.

But seriously folks, there's a lot more involved than mere interspecies attraction. The mature human needs to take the long view, and seek beyond sheer emotional trauma/physical scarring for something that will last, likely far longer than you'd care for it to.

That's why, hands-down, I'd pick the Grays anytime. They can park their mothership on my closely-cropped lawn day or night. The gray aliens are so sweet, so childlike and helpless. Until they remove the saber-pointed laser light from outta their back pocket, that is. Then watch out, boys and girls. Talk about still waters running deep (inside your skull). And these types aren't the kind to bore you to death with endless chit chat, football stats, NASCAR racing, and trips to the mall.

Nope ... chuckle-chuckle. The Grays will likely bore you to death literally with their tiny pointy lasers once they eventually get around to strapping you down on an ice-cold examination table somewhere on the other side of the known universe, where they will then procede to conduct all kinds of hideously painful, humiliating and lengthy medical experiments, and not give you so much as a bandaid to cover the resultant dripping, disfiguring deep-tissue lesions which is just their way of showing you how much they care. Which is not at all.

I hope this article proves helpful. And please ...

Once you get the hook-up, feel free to bring your date by for dinner. I'd love to meet him/her/frog-glop! Call ahead so I can be sure to wrap my home under numerous layers of aluminum foil and/or move.

TOTALLY IRRELEVANT QUESTION OF THE DAY:

Dear Great Gray Alien Abduction Authority,

If I wear a T-Shirt to bed that says "I'm With STUPID", will the Grays still abduct me?

Signed,

Noobie

Dear Noobie,

Unfortunately, yes. However, any self-respecting alien will first insist on switching clothes with you. Pick something in paisley.

Signed,

The Great Gray Alien Abduction Authority