The Gray Alien Reptilian Yogi - Dear G.A.R.Y.

Please join me in welcoming the:
GRAY ALIEN REPTILIAN YOGI
advice and home repair expert - Dear G.A.R.Y. !

(The following is a formal letter of introduction, composed entirely for the purpose of blatant, shameless self promotion with the sole intention of achieving mega-fame, stardom, buckets of cash and a cult following comparable to that of the Bee Gees or maybe even Elvin from on down the road when he opened his shaved ice stand on the hottest 4Th of July these parts have ever known since the Jurassic Period, and forgot to order them little plastic cups you gotta put the shaved ice in so all his customers had to get their Hawaiian Delights poured into them empty beer cans Elvin was saving for double-point recycling day, and he didn't get all the beer rinsed out so a couple of kids from Tiny Trailer Park got sick and barfed up on the Mayor's new Cadillac and stained up the white walls something fierce, so Elvin got sued and it was the most exciting thing to happen in Pit Falls, Illinois that anybody alive could remember, especially when the bank repo'd Elvin's ice stand and he was so mad he run off with the bank president's third wife, Candi Aphrodite, who wasn't exactly the stay at home type, anyway, and since no one got hurt Elvin is now a local hero like Batman or SpongeBob.)

And now, Dear Readers, it is my boundless pleasure to bring to your attention a fresh and exciting new voice on the Internet - the Gray Alien Reptilian Yogi, commonly known as G.A.R.Y. (insert applause). This famous sage of cosmic secrets (and home repair involving large amounts of duct tape/black paint) has graciously consented to begin posting at his very own website (currently under development and slated to begin production in a mere nano-second of universal time) (like maybe in the next day or two).

While MY column is an educated and dedicated foray into the Gray Aliens and associated phenomena, it is nonetheless beyond my meagre abilities to:

A) remain studious, serious and write as a mature adult at all times

B) Keep my monkey brain under control 24/7/365

C) Refrain from manipulating the gullibility of others

D) Picking my nose when no one is looking

So, while THIS blog site is obviously your first choice for cutting edge, paradigm-busting outside the box revelations, it must be stated (with a straight face if possible), that if you are the kind of individual who can laugh in the face of hideous and painful alien medical experiments, scoff at the idea of reptilian rectal probes, and find the idea of inter-species dating just a wee bit enticing, then RUN ... don't walk to the ground breaking new blog site of THE GRAY ALIEN REPTILIAN YOGI (Dear G.A.R.Y.) !!!

Be sure to tell all your friends or at least the people who pretend to like you, and maybe even the guy who changes your oil once a year when you finally get around to having it changed because you're sooooooo busy with more important things (you wish).

P.S. While empirical scientific evidence has yet to be established, nonetheless it has been rumored that being a regular follower of G.A.R.Y. can lead to whiter teeth, enhanced physical performance, and multiple lottery wins.